Attachment Styles & How They Shape Your Relationships
Long before you had words for it, your nervous system was already learning about love.
It picked up on tones of voice, facial expressions, and who came to your need when you cried. It studied how connection worked—and how it didn’t. Those early experiences taught you something profound:
“This is how I stay close.” “This is how I stay safe.”
And those lessons didn’t just vanish when you grew up. They show up in your relationships today—sometimes quietly, sometimes loudly.
Bowlby’s attachment theory helps us name the patterns we have developed around love, trust, closeness, and fear.
It’s not about putting yourself in a box. Or blaming your parents for your upbringing. It’s value lies in our curiosity. Attachment theory helps us pose serious questions about our patterns that can bring us the clarity we need to act purposefully. Growth happens when we ask ourselves questions such as: “What did I learn about love? And is that still serving me today?”
Let’s Break It Down: The Four Attachment Styles
Secure Attachment
✨ Feels safe being close, but also okay being alone
✨ Can communicate needs and boundaries without spiraling
✨ Trusts that love can be steady and safe
Anxious Attachment
💭 “I want to be close—but what if you leave me?”
💭 “Did I do something wrong?”
✨ Craves connection, but feels deeply unsettled by uncertainty or space
Avoidant Attachment
💭 “I don’t need anyone.”
💭 “Closeness feels like pressure.”
✨ Independent to a fault, avoids vulnerability, may push people away before they get too close
Disorganized Attachment
💭 “I want love—but I don’t know how to trust it.”
💭 “Come close. Wait, don’t.”
✨ A mix of anxious and avoidant tendencies, often linked to early relational trauma or inconsistency
So... Why Does This Matter?
Because attachment isn’t just about romantic relationships. It’s how you relate to everyone. Your friends. Your coworkers. Yourself.
Understanding your style can help you recognize the why behind your reactions:
– Why you shut down during conflict
– Why silence feels like abandonment
– Why you keep falling into the same patterns, even when you know better
Awareness is powerful. It gives you the choice to respond instead of react.
Want to Learn Yours?
Take the free, fast, and anonymous quiz at The Attachment Project to get a snapshot of your attachment style.
(Just a heads-up: no quiz can fully define you. But it’s a great starting point.)
💬 Let’s Talk About It
At Soul Ascension Coaching, I help people untangle the old stories they’ve learned about love, safety, and connection—and build new ones that feel rooted, steady, and honest.
Together, we can:
— Identify your attachment patterns
— Practice secure behaviors and communication skills
— Reframe the beliefs that keep you in survival mode
— Build relationships (including with yourself) that feel nourishing, not draining
Book your free consultation with me by clicking HERE and filling out the information on my contact page + follow @lifecoachirelynn on Instagram + TikTok for more content on relationships, nervous system healing, and emotional safety.
