From Reactivity to Abundance: Managing Anger in Work, Love, and Life
This blog post, believe it or not, was inspired by a fortune cookie. Not the cookie itself—but the slip of paper inside. It read: “Do not slam doors. You never know if you’ll want to walk through them again”, and I thought “Damn, that was real as hell.” So, let’s talk about our good ol’ pal anger.
I have to admit it felt amusing and also embarrassing to be put in my place by a fortune cookie, especially as an emotion and behavior coach; That line stuck with me. I’ve shared it with friends, clients, and honestly with myself during those heated moments when I wanted to cut ties, quit, or just walk away in dramatic fashion. Because isn’t that what anger and impulsivity often feel like? Slamming doors. Torching opportunities. Storming out in a blaze of glory, only to realize later we might actually need that door still open.
We’ve all had those moments: the email you wish you hadn’t sent, the words you wish you hadn’t said, the bridge you kind of regret burning. Anger makes us feel powerful in the moment, like we’re finally standing up for ourselves, but it can also leave us standing outside, locked out of opportunities, relationships, or peace we actually wanted to keep.
But here’s the thing: anger doesn’t have to be the villain of the story. What if anger wasn’t the enemy, but the messenger? What if your impulses weren’t proof that you’re “too much,” but raw energy you could redirect into abundance? Because sometimes, it’s not about slamming the door, it’s about learning how to leave it open just wide enough to step back through when you’re ready.
The Misunderstood Role of Anger
Anger gets a bad rap. From a young age, many of us are taught it’s “bad,” “negative,” or something to be ashamed of. Maybe you heard “don’t be so dramatic,” or “calm down” when you were a kid, so now you associate anger with being out of control or unlikable. But here’s the truth: anger is actually data. It’s a signal from your body that something feels off; Maybe a boundary has been crossed, something feels unfair, or a situation isn’t aligned with your values.
The problem isn’t anger itself. The problem is what happens when we hand it the wheel. Think of anger as that well-meaning friend who shows up to defend you in a fight—loyal, protective, ready to throw down—but absolutely should not be holding the car keys on a Friday night. Left unchecked, anger will speed through stop signs and leave you cleaning up the wreckage later.
Unmanaged anger can push people away. It creates distance in relationships, burns bridges in careers, and leaves us with that familiar emotional hangover—the regret, the shame, the “I can’t believe I said that” spiral. It can make you feel powerful in the moment but powerless afterward.
Managed anger, on the other hand, is one of the most clarifying tools we have. When you pause and channel it, anger can fuel honest conversations, courageous boundary-setting, and necessary change. It can be the spark that says, “This isn’t working anymore. Something has to shift.” In that way, anger isn’t destructive at all, it’s directional. It points you toward what matters most.
Impulses: Emotional Spending Sprees
Impulses feel powerful in the moment. You send the email, slam the door, blurt out the comeback, and for a split second, it feels good. Like, really good. That little rush of relief, that sense of taking action, of proving a point. But here’s the catch, it’s the emotional equivalent of blowing your entire paycheck on a shopping spree. Fun while it lasts, but regret shows up the second you check the receipt.
Here’s the thing: impulse control isn’t about never reacting. It’s not about becoming some Zen monk who floats above their feelings. It’s about building self-trust. It means creating enough space between the urge and the action to ask yourself, “Does this choice actually serve me?” When you practice that pause, you give yourself the chance to respond in a way that aligns with your long-term goals instead of your short-term relief.
Think of it like emotional wealth management. Instead of spending all your energy in one place and ending up broke, you learn to invest it wisely. Maybe you hold your tongue in a meeting so your point lands with more weight later. Maybe you wait before sending that text so you don’t scorch a bridge you’ll wish you had tomorrow. Every pause is like saving a little emotional capital you can spend where it actually counts.
The truth is, impulses aren’t bad. They’re raw energy, just like anger. But if you keep cashing them in too quickly, you’ll always be running on empty. Learning to manage them isn’t about denying yourself; It’s about channeling that energy into choices that grow your relationships, your career, and your own sense of peace.
The Abundance Connection
Here’s where it gets exciting: anger and impulse aren’t just things to “get rid of.” They’re energy. And when you manage them, they can actually fuel abundance, believe it or not.
Think about it—have you ever rage-quit a job or walked away from a toxic relationship and later realized it was the best thing you could’ve done for yourself? That’s anger as a catalyst. It lit a fire under you and pushed you out of a situation that was draining your energy. The problem isn’t anger itself, it’s whether you’re letting it explode unchecked or channeling it with intention.
In relationships… When anger simmers unspoken, it turns into silent resentment. When it erupts, it leaves wreckage. But when you manage it, anger becomes the signal that helps you say, “This isn’t working for me.” Managed anger creates space for honesty, respect, and intimacy instead of distance and defensiveness.
In careers… Impulsive reactions might feel satisfying in the moment (“I’ll just tell them exactly what I think!”), but they can damage your reputation or close doors you didn’t mean to close. Pausing before reacting gives you room for strategy. It turns “flying off the handle” into “playing the long game,” which is how leadership and growth happen.
In life in general… Every ounce of energy you save from reactivity can be redirected into creativity, connection, and joy.
Instead of anger burning your bridges, it becomes the fire that lights your path forward.
Quick Tools to Practice the Pause
So how do you stop anger and impulses from running the show? You don’t need a total personality transplant, you just need some practical tools that create enough space between feeling and acting so you can respond with intention.
Here are a few of my favorites:
✨ Name it to tame it.✨
It sounds simple, but literally saying, “I feel angry,” “I feel frustrated,” or “I feel triggered” out loud (or in your head) helps calm your nervous system. Why? Because putting words to emotions moves them from the raw “fight or flight” part of your brain into the reasoning part. Suddenly, you’re not just anger embodied—you’re a human who’s experiencing anger. That tiny shift changes everything.
✨ Breathe before you blast.✨
You’ve probably heard “take a deep breath” so many times that it sounds cliché. But there’s science behind it: a slow inhale through your nose and a longer exhale through your mouth signals safety to your body, lowering stress hormones and slowing your reaction time. Translation: it buys you a moment to decide whether firing off that text or snapping at your partner is actually worth it. (Spoiler: usually not.)
✨ The impulse delay trick.✨
Here’s one of my go-tos: ask yourself, “Will this still matter in 24 hours?” If the answer is no, give yourself at least a day before acting. Most impulses feel urgent, but urgency doesn’t equal importance. Waiting 24 hours often reveals that the thing you had to say or do was really just a passing wave of emotion.
✨ Channel the charge.✨
Anger and impulse create energy, and that energy has to go somewhere. If you don’t direct it intentionally, it’ll probably come out sideways—in a slammed door, a passive-aggressive text, or that email you wish you could unsend. Instead, move it. Go for a walk, dance in your kitchen, scribble in a journal, or (my personal favorite) shake out your arms like a weirdo until the adrenaline passes. It sounds silly, but it works—and it’s way better than dropping emotional grenades in your relationships or career.
Final Thoughts
The final verdict: anger isn’t the villain, and impulses aren’t flaws. They’re powerful, raw signals from your nervous system that something matters. But when they take the wheel unchecked, they can leave wreckage behind—strained relationships, missed opportunities, and a sense that you’re always playing catch-up with yourself.
Learning to manage anger and impulses isn’t about “fixing” who you are; It’s about reclaiming the driver’s seat by creating a pause long enough to choose differently, to channel that fiery energy into something that actually builds the life you want instead of burning it down. That pause is where trust grows, where connection deepens, and where abundance takes root. Growth is ultimately just a culmination of a series of choices we make in moments.
The real shift happens when you stop seeing your reactivity as proof that something is wrong with you, and start seeing it as a source of untapped power. Anger can fuel courage. Impulses can spark creativity. When you guide them with intention, they stop sabotaging your life and start expanding it.
If you’re ready to stop reacting and start creating, I’d love to walk alongside you. At Soul Ascension Coaching, I help people transform their emotional patterns—like anger, overthinking, or self-sabotage—into tools for self-trust, clarity, and connection. Together, we’ll redirect that fire into a foundation for the relationships, career, and abundant life you’re working toward.
Book your free consultation with me by clicking HERE and filling out the information on my contact page + follow @lifecoachirelynn on Instagram + TikTok for more tips, real talk, and reminders that you’re not alone in learning to lead with intention instead of impulse.
