Surviving (and Thriving) in Your 20’s
This week’s blog post hits close to home for me because I’ve done a lot of digging and growing around this topic since graduating college at 20 and being abruptly thrown into adulthood (but we don’t need to talk about that right now). I feel that I have a lot to share on this experience that friends and clients have found as both a source of comfort, and a fresh perspective. Yes friends, today we’re talking about the wonderful, horrific, challenging, fulfilling, unnerving journey that is your 20’s.
People love to call them “the best years of your life”, and sure, sometimes they are. But if you’re actually living through them—especially in today’s social-political-economic climate—you know the truth: your 20’s often feel more like “the most confusing, frustrating, and exhausting years of your life.” If you’re anything like me and some of my younger friends, you’re likely being pulled in a thousand different directions: school, career, relationships, money, health, figuring out who you even are, and maybe even trying to keep a plant alive? You watch other people your age buying houses, getting married, starting businesses, and you think, “Wow, good for them… wait, do I even want that? Or do I just feel jealous because Instagram told me I should?”
It’s like every day comes with a new unspoken to-do list: start a family, travel the world, get promoted, learn a new language, maintain a great relationship with your parents, save for retirement, train for a marathon, adopt a dog, and still somehow remember to drink enough water. No wonder so many of us are anxious and feeling hopeless. Every choice feels high-stakes, yet the “right” choice usually doesn’t reveal itself until much later.
Here’s the thing: we’re not supposed to get it all right. The beauty of this decade is in trial, error, and growth. Instead of obsessing over what could go wrong or what other people are doing, we can focus on making choices that nourish us, so years from now we look back without regret.
So that we don’t regret staying out a little too late with friends.
We don’t regret burning through the last of our PTO to go hug a loved one one more time.
We don’t regret choosing experiences that made us feel alive, connected, and human.
The trick is this: when you’re making choices, check in with yourself. Are you acting out of fear, obligation, or guilt (what I like to call FOG)? Or are you acting from a place of curiosity, joy, or fulfillment? You’ll never make the right decision in the FOG. But you’ll almost always make the right one if it brings you peace or lights you up inside. Every decision you make—good, bad, or “what was I thinking?”—is shaping you into the person you’re becoming. That’s where peace comes in. True peace can be achieved in your 20’s by trusting that divine timing is at play (and putting your best foot forward, of course). Take it from me: you’re not behind. You’re not failing. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be. Honestly, there’s no magic formula (sorry); But what we can do is lean on some practices that bring us back to ourselves, cut through the chaos, and keep us grounded while everything else feels like it’s spinning out of our control.
Here are a few that have helped me, clients of mine, and might even help you too:
1. Stop Comparing Your Timeline
Your best friend might be getting married, your coworker is buying a house with their partner that they’ve been happily engaged to for years, and your cousin is posting baby #2’s ultrasound on Facebook. Cool. Celebrate with them! But remember, that doesn’t mean you’re “behind.” You’re just on a different path. Comparison is like quicksand: it sucks you in and keeps you stuck. Focus on what feels right for you right now.
2. Nourish & Move Your Body (Without Obsessing)
Forget the pressure to have the perfect diet or be in the gym six days a week. Clean girl aesthetic? F*ck that. What matters is awareness: How does food make you feel? What fuels you, and what drains you? Learn to cook a few simple meals that incorporate vegetables, drink some water, and skip the guilt when you grab takeout. And when it comes to movement, choose things you actually enjoy—whether that’s yoga, hiking, lifting weights, or full-on dancing in your kitchen at midnight. Your body will thank you with more energy, focus, and resilience, and in the future you will be grateful you didn’t burn out chasing someone else’s idea of “healthy.”
3. Protect Your Mental & Emotional Health
Your 20’s can feel like living inside a pressure cooker—comparison, uncertainty, deadlines, bills, and the constant reminder that you still don’t know how to fold a fitted sheet (tbh nobody does though, if you do hit me up). It’s a lot, which is why protecting your mental and emotional health isn’t a luxury, it’s survival. Therapy, coaching, journaling, meditation, breathwork, long walks with your headphones in, or even just sitting in silence staring at the ceiling—all of these count. What matters is creating space to notice what’s really going on in your head and heart. Learn emotional regulation skills. Reflect on the shadow parts of yourself, and don’t wait until you’re curled up in the fetal position to start caring for your mind.
4. Invest in Yourself, Not Just Your Résumé
You can spend your entire 20’s chasing job titles, promotions, and LinkedIn-worthy achievements, but if you neglect the things that light you up, you’ll look back and wonder why you felt so empty while being “so accomplished.” My advice? Take the class. Join the dance group. Buy the language flashcards. Sign up for pottery even if your bowls look like they belong in a horror movie. Joy teaches you things that résumés can’t. A résumé won’t tell you that salsa dancing makes you feel alive, or that journaling helps you process your emotions better than a $300 therapy session. These little choices add up to a life that’s not just successful on paper, but meaningful in practice. Titles and paychecks come and go, but the skills, friendships, and self-discoveries you gain from pursuing joy? Those outlast any job description and shape who you become.
5. Curate Your Circle Intentionally
The people around you shape you. Be intentional about who you let into your life; It matters, even though five years ago I probably would’ve rolled my eyes at that advice. Choose friends, mentors, and communities who celebrate your wins, hold you accountable, and reflect the kind of life you actually want to build. Surround yourself with people who make you want to keep growing—not just “yes-men,” but the ones who challenge you, push you to think deeper about your beliefs, and aren’t afraid to hold up a mirror to the parts of yourself that need work. Opposition has value, too. And most importantly, don’t be afraid to outgrow people. That doesn’t make you cruel, it just means you’re evolving, or that maybe your timelines are no longer in sync.
6. Build a Financial Foundation (Even If It’s Small)
Most of us either learned to “budget” from a high school checkbook lesson that doesn’t exist anymore, or by swiping credit cards like they were free money. But money stress seeps into everything: your sleep, your relationships, even how much joy you feel day to day. The good news? You don’t need it all figured out right now. Start small. Learn the basics—budgeting, saving, credit, debt. Even $20 a paycheck builds habits that matter more than the amount itself. Chances are you’re probably not going to be a self-made billionaire by 30 like Kylie Jenner, and honestly, who cares? Financial health in your 20’s is less about wealth and more about freedom: not panicking when your car breaks down, being able to say yes to a weekend trip, or choosing a job you like instead of the one that just barely pays the bills. Money isn’t everything, but stability gives you options, and options are everything.
7. Give Yourself Permission to Pivot
You don’t need your “final” career, relationship, or city yet. Experiment. Try things. Fail. Start over. Pivoting isn’t wasting time, it’s gathering data about who you are and what works for you.
8. Anchor in Your Values (Not Trends)
Trends will come and go (RIP checkered Vans), but your values guide you through the noise of other people telling you constantly what you should and shouldn’t care about. Get clear on what matters most, and let that shape your choices. Talk to yourself. Journal. Get to know yourself intimately even if it feels weird because the clearer you are on your values, the less confusing decisions will feel.
9. Learn to Be With Yourself
Amongst all of the common chaos between balancing school, jobs, relationships, social media, etc., it’s easy to lose sight of your own voice in the noise. You can end up living on autopilot, constantly reacting to what life throws at you instead of choosing intentionally. In the middle of it all, don’t forget the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. You are all you have forever (in a good way). Take yourself on dates, learn what lights you up, get comfortable in your own company. A strong sense of self makes everything else clearer, and makes the chaos a little easier to navigate.
10. Laugh Often, Especially at Yourself
Life in your 20’s is messy—awkward hinge dates, realizing that people are not who you thought they were, meals that taste like sadness. And honestly, sometimes the only thing you can do is laugh. Humor softens the edges of hard times and reminds you that perfection was never the point. It’s not about ignoring the struggles, but giving yourself little pockets of joy so you don’t drown in them. At the end of the day, as a generation that’s had the rug pulled out from under us more than once, the best gift we can give ourselves is to keep finding reasons to smile, even if it’s just at our own ridiculousness.
Final Thoughts
Your 20’s are not about perfection, they’re about direction. Know that you won’t make all the right choices, and that’s okay. What matters is building habits and mindsets that make you proud of the life you’re creating. Nourish your body, care for your mind, and surround yourself with people and examples that lift you higher.
The “right choice” is rarely obvious in the moment, but every choice teaches you something. Trust divine timing. Trust yourself.
If you’re ready to reconnect with yourself and start living with more clarity, balance, and intention, I’d love to walk alongside you. At Soul Ascension Coaching, I help people reconnect with themselves, break free from cycles of self-sabotage, and create sustainable habits that feel aligned with who they are becoming.
Book your free consultation with me by clicking HERE and filling out the information on my contact page + follow @lifecoachirelynn on Instagram + TikTok for more content, reflections, and tools to keep you grounded through this messy, beautiful decade.
