The Gift You May Have Needed But Never Received
The holidays are supposed to feel warm and joyful, but for a lot of people, they bring up something heavier… Something much more than just stress or exhaustion — a reminder of what we didn’t get growing up. Maybe you grew up around people who were physically present but emotionally unavailable. Maybe the energy in your home was unpredictable. Maybe you learned early on to stay quiet, stay helpful, or stay out of the way. Or maybe you were the one who held everything together because no one else was going to.
Whatever your story looks like, this season has a way of shining a light on the gap between what you needed and what you actually received. And that gap can feel wider this time of year.
If you’ve ever wondered why rest feels uncomfortable, why asking for help feels impossible, or why setting boundaries feels like you’re doing something wrong, it’s not because you’re “too sensitive” or “broken.” It’s because you were never shown what safety, consistency, or emotional presence looked like. The holidays tend to remind us of that in ways we’re not always prepared for.
But here’s the part that matters most:
You don’t have to keep reliving the story you were handed. You get to decide what you give yourself now.
You Get to Give Yourself What You Didn’t Get
As adults, we often try to outrun our past by doing more, achieving more, or proving ourselves. But healing doesn’t happen when we pressure or hate ourselves enough, it happens through self-honoring. It’s about slowly giving yourself the things you didn’t have the chance to receive earlier in life.
Maybe that looks like choosing stability: creating routines that help you feel grounded instead of bracing for the next emotional shift. Maybe it looks like patience: allowing yourself to learn, grow, and evolve without expecting perfection on the first try. Maybe it’s emotional validation: learning to say, “What I’m feeling makes sense,” instead of dismissing your reactions or talking yourself out of your needs.
For some people, it’s boundaries: not carrying everyone else’s emotions and finally recognizing that taking responsibility for other people’s feelings was never your job. For others, it’s gentleness: noticing when you’re overwhelmed and choosing to rest rather than push through out of habit.
None of these things are small. They’re powerful. They’re the building blocks of a life where you feel safe in your body and connected to yourself instead of reactive or shut down.
The Holidays Aren’t a Test You Need to Pass
There’s so much pressure this time of year to show up as some idealized version of yourself: the calm one, the emotionally available one, the endlessly grateful one, the person who has healed everything and feels nothing but joy.
But that expectation isn’t real life. F*ck that noise.
You don’t owe anyone a picture-perfect holiday version of yourself. If all you can give right now is honesty, intention, and a small willingness to care for yourself, that’s enough! You’re not responsible for holding everything together, fixing the energy in the room, or pretending something feels good when it doesn’t.
Your worth is not measured by how “grateful” or “happy” you appear.
And in case nobody has told you yet, you’re allowed to show up as the version of yourself that exists today (crabby, happy, anxious and all).
A Grounded Reflection for This Season
If you want a place to start, ask yourself: “What is one thing I needed growing up that I can give myself today?”
Not for the whole month. Not forever. Just today.
Maybe you need space. Maybe you need quiet. Maybe you need support. Maybe you need permission to say no. Maybe you need time to feel what you’re feeling, even if the season is supposed to be cheerful. Take the time to listen for the answer. Your inner-child will give you one.
Know that whatever your answer is, it’s valid.
You deserve the kind of care that isn’t dependent on other people understanding your past.
The gift of being an adult is that you get to give your inner child the care, attention, and rest they were asking for all along.
Final Thoughts
If this season is bringing up old patterns, old wounds, or old expectations you’re tired of carrying, you’re not alone. The holidays have a way of stirring things we thought we’d outgrown, and noticing that doesn’t mean you’re backsliding, it means you’re becoming more aware of what needs care. My coaching work is built around helping you reconnect with yourself, understand your emotional patterns, and build the kind of internal stability you maybe didn’t grow up with.
If you’re ready to feel more grounded, regulated, and supported as you move through these emotional seasons, I’d love to help. At Soul Ascension Coaching, I walk with clients as they rebuild self-trust, release old patterns, and create the steady, safe inner world they’ve always deserved.
You can learn more about working with me or the Soul Cleanse on my website.
Book your free consultation with me by clicking HERE and filling out the information on my contact page + follow @lifecoachirelynn on Instagram + TikTok for more grounded reflections, emotional wellness tools, and support on your growth journey.
