The Shadow Side of Positivity: When “Good Vibes Only” Becomes Toxic

We all know that person. The one who responds to “I’m having a rough day” with “Well, at least you’re alive! Gratitude, babe 🌈✨.” Or the one who insists “everything happens for a reason” while you’re knee-deep in grief, heartbreak, or burnout. Maybe you’ve even been that person (I know I have probably been that person in inappropriate moments). We think we’re being helpful, supportive, and encouraging, but the truth is sometimes positivity isn’t healing—it’s avoidance dressed up in a cute Instagram quote.

And when we avoid, we don’t actually feel better, we just shove the hard stuff down, let it fester, and call it “optimism.” That’s the shadow side of positivity, and it can be sneakier than you think. Let’s talk about it.

When Positivity Crosses the Line

Don’t get me wrong: optimism has its place. Hope helps us move forward and drives actions we might never consider with a defeatist attitude. Gratitude expands our perspective and even our ability to manifest the things we desire to a certain extent. Both of these are powerful tools—when used in balance.

But here’s where it gets tricky: positivity stops being helpful when it starts silencing reality. You may have heard this referred to as toxic positivity—the belief that no matter how bad or painful a situation is, you should always maintain a positive mindset. Think: “just look on the bright side,” “good vibes only,” or “it could always be worse.” Sound familiar? Maybe you’ve even had a colleague, supervisor, or parent with this attitude and thought to yourself “Dude, what is wrong with you?”

So, what’s the problem with it? For one, toxic positivity invalidates the realness of our experiences. It can make you feel guilty for struggling, ashamed for having “negative” emotions, or even broken because you can’t slap a smiley-face sticker over your pain. Research backs this up: suppressing our emotions by stitching to toxic positivity actually increases stress, anxiety, and depression symptoms (Gross & Levenson, 1997). In other words, “just stay positive” doesn’t solve the problem—it compounds it.

And honestly,: trying to stay “positive only” can feel like putting a glitter filter over a dumpster fire. Sure, it looks shinier, but the fire is still burning. Ignoring the flames doesn’t put them out, it just keeps you from grabbing a hose. It also can make us feel like an imposter.

Positivity becomes toxic when:

⚠️ It pressures you (or others) to “get over it” before you’re ready.
⚠️ It dismisses real pain with surface-level affirmations.
⚠️ It leaves no room for honest conversations about struggle.
⚠️ It turns into another way of avoiding your feelings instead of processing them.

Why We Do It

So why do we lean so hard on “good vibes only”? Honestly, because discomfort is… well, uncomfortable. Sitting with sadness, anger, or fear feels messy. If you grew up in a family where emotions were brushed off or avoided, chances are positivity became the “acceptable” cover-up. Add in a culture obsessed with hustle, self-optimization, and aesthetic wellness, and suddenly “feeling your feelings” looks like failure.

And let’s be real, society is pressuring us now more than ever to “just be happy.” We’ve demonized the full spectrum of human emotions so much that people with real-world stressors are being gaslit into thinking their pain is abnormal. Instead of acknowledging that struggle is universal, we medicate it away with quick fixes—SSRIs, mood stabilizers, Xanax, you name it. These tools can have their place, but when they’re used as a blanket solution instead of addressing root causes, they become another way of silencing the truth.

The klicker is, ignoring or sugarcoating emotions doesn’t make them disappear. It just pushes them underground, where they find sneakier exits—resentment, burnout, self-sabotage, or numbing behaviors (hello, mindless scrolling and late-night snacking). In the end, the feelings you don’t face today show up tomorrow wearing a different mask.

Authentic Positivity v.s. Toxic Positivity – How to Make the Shift

Authentic positivity isn’t about ignoring the dark, but rather, acknowledging it and holding hope. It says: “Yes, this is hard, and yes, I believe I can get through it.” Toxic positivity skips the first half of that sentence.

That’s the difference: authentic positivity feels like support. It leaves room for your humanity and your messiness while still keeping the door open for healing. Toxic positivity, on the other hand, feels like dismissal. One creates space for growth; the other shuts it down.

Think about the last time someone told you to “just be positive” when you were really struggling. Did it make you feel seen? Or did it make you feel like you had to swallow your truth to make them comfortable? That’s what makes toxic positivity so sneaky—it often comes from good intentions, but it ends up doing more harm than good.

Authentic positivity, in contrast, validates the pain while reminding us of our capacity. It teaches us that two things can be true: life can be hard and we can still move forward.

So how do you keep positivity authentic instead of toxic? Try these reframes:

• Name what’s real. Instead of skipping over pain, acknowledge it: “This sucks, and I’m allowed to feel it.” Naming emotions reduces their intensity and makes space for solutions.

• Pair positivity with honesty. Try “This is hard and I trust I’ll figure it out” instead of “Everything’s fine.” That little “and” changes everything.

• Hold space for others. Instead of “You’ll get over it,” try “That sounds really painful. Want to talk about it?” Validation is more healing than pep talks.

• Notice your impulse to fix. If you feel the need to force positivity, pause and ask: “Am I comforting them, or am I comforting myself by avoiding the discomfort?”

The beautiful part is when you stop using positivity to bypass the hard stuff, you create real abundance and growth in your life. Because abundance isn’t pretending everything’s perfect—it’s learning to hold both gratitude and grief, both joy and frustration, both hope and honesty.

That’s where depth lives. That’s where intimacy in relationships grows. That’s where true resilience is built. Abundance comes when we stop slapping on “good vibes only” and start cultivating real vibes, always.

Final Thoughts

The shadow side of positivity isn’t about being “fake”—it’s about being afraid of pain. But when you stop running from hard emotions and start holding them with honesty, you actually create more space for authentic joy. You don’t need to be “positive only.” You need to be real first, positive second.

If you’re ready to stop bypassing your emotions and start building habits that create true resilience and abundance, I’d love to support you. At Soul Ascension Coaching, I help people release self-sabotaging patterns, reconnect with themselves, and create sustainable growth that actually feels aligned. Together, we’ll turn authenticity into your foundation—helping you grow resilience, deepen your relationships, and create abundance that lasts.

Book your free consultation with me by clicking HERE and filling out the information on my contact page + follow @lifecoachirelynn on Instagram + TikTok for more real talk, practical tools, and gentle reminders that you don’t have to choose between honesty and hope—you can hold both.