Why You Keep Sabotaging the Good Things in Your Life

We’ve all been there—you finally get something you’ve wanted, and then…something happens.

You miss a deadline, say the wrong thing, or even just convince yourself it’s not worth it. Suddenly, that good thing feels shaky, fragile, or undeserved.

What’s happening in those moments is often self-sabotage—when we get in our own way without even realizing it. It’s your mind or nervous system reacting to fear, uncertainty, or discomfort in a way that ends up blocking the things you want most.

It can show up as procrastinating, overthinking, avoiding opportunities, or pushing people and experiences away. Before we get into why it happens, the first step is just noticing it—seeing the patterns in your life that keep good things from fully landing.

Why We Self-Sabotage

1. Fear of Failure or Disappointment
When something good comes along, part of your mind might whisper, “You’ll probably mess this up.” That voice isn’t cruel. Believe it or not, it is trying to protect you by shielding you from the pain of losing the good thing. But ironically, it often makes the outcome worse because it drives behaviors that actually sabotage the very thing you want. I call this one, the “self-fulfilling prophecy”, which I myself have been a victim of a time or two.

2. Fear of Success
Yes, you read that right. Success can feel just as scary as failure. Maybe it means more responsibility, more visibility, or higher expectations. Sometimes, your nervous system responds by quietly undermining your progress so you stay “safe.” What a slap in the face, right—that you can sabotage your success both by being afraid of succeeding and afraid of failure? Even through my therapeutic training I have never been able to make it make sense.

3. Old Patterns & Learned Survival Mechanisms
A common example I see is around money: people who struggle with the idea of wealth often end up sabotaging their own ability to live a comfortable life. If this feels familiar, consider that sometimes good things come to us simply because we worked for them, showed up at the right time, or put ourselves in the right place—and accepting them doesn’t have to come at any cost at all.

4. Low Self-Worth
If you don’t believe deep down that you deserve good things, your actions (or inactions) might reflect that belief. You might procrastinate, pick fights, or avoid opportunities without realizing you’re sending a subtle message to yourself: “I’m not ready for this.” Sometimes these belief systems are so deeply ingrained that quick positive affirmations in the moment of fear aren’t enough. We can’t simply “trick” ourselves into feeling self-worth or self-love, but we can learn to gently challenge those old beliefs and create new patterns that actually support us.

Breaking the Cycle

The good news? Self-sabotage can be unlearned. Here’s how you can start:

• Notice the Pattern: Keep track of moments you derail progress. Awareness is the first step towards changing the pattern.

• Name the Fear: Ask yourself, “What are you afraid will happen if you allow yourself to fully enjoy success, love, or the desired thing?”

• Replace Old Scripts: Journal, affirm, or talk through new beliefs that counter the old survival patterns. I think talking to ourselves is one of the best resources we have for getting through issues, seriously.

• Take Small Steps: You don’t need to overhaul your life overnight. Incremental wins build confidence—and honestly, an overnight overhaul of your life might seem a little manic to people around you.

• Get Support: Working with a coach or therapist (like me, hehe) can give you guidance, accountability, and strategies to break these habits safely and at your own pace.

Don’t want to take this journey alone? You don’t have to! At Soul Ascension Coaching, I help people identify where self-sabotage shows up in their lives, understand why it’s happening, and create sustainable strategies to reclaim the joy, success, and relationships they deserve.

Book your free consultation with me by clicking HERE and filling out the information on my contact page + follow @lifecoachirelynn on Instagram + TikTok for more content on overcoming self-sabotage, building healthier habits, and creating a life rooted in balance, freedom, and emotional resilience.